Given that I use a message board for diabetics I seem to read a lot of things, if I don't post much on there as well, I have very little worth reading.
One that sort of got me a little irritated was the thread about the Joslin medal schemes and such like awards for "long service". Link at the end of this.
I can't quite put my finger on why having a medal for fifty years of diabetes irritates me. I suppose it's effectively rewarding something that has taken a fair chunk from me. I can understand the fact that through the past years I've had to deal with something that I didn't get any say in other than take the medication or die. What I don't need is a reminder to say how long I've dealt with that crap. The less it intrudes into my life the better I say.
I deal with it enough on my own, my diabetes but anything other than dealing with my own diabetes is a little bit on the side of hard. Given that I am a student nurse, I see a lot of diabetes and it's consequences, both good and bad. I don't want to celebrate something that has come close to killing me and endangering my life. It's as if I were ceding ground to an enemy, taunting it, red rag to a bull sort of thing, tempting fate. Coming away complication free and healthy is reward enough. I don't seek praise for living with this. I don't want it either frankly. Having someone bestow a medal upon me is, the way that I see it, effectively a pat on the head and saying "who's a brave boy." Praise will be due on the day a cure is found for everyone that has made it that far. I doubt that I'll be around when a cure comes along. The standard excuse is "in ten years there'll be a cure." My arse.
At the end of the day I didn't get the choice of whether or not diabetes came into my life. I don't want to celebrate that I've had something forced upon me that has made me change my life, has take so much and will continue to take from me for the rest of my life. I will cling to whatever vestiges of control that I can. Diabetes take and will take more than enough from me. I don't want to stop and stare. I want to move on with life and enjoy it with minimal intrusion from diabetes. I won't give anything to it. I won't let it win. I acknowledge that I have this and I must control this to stay in decent shape. However, if I stop and celebrate it I let it win a little victory. It's like being burgled and then when Her Majesty's Constables have nicked the scrote who turned you over you invite them over to tea and give them the run of your house with you sat blindfolded on the sofa.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloodied yet unbow'd.
Link:
http://www.diabetessupport.co.uk/boards/showthread.php?t=4170
My twin of words on your thoughts about a medal for this disease we've been so blessed with ---- NOT (only in America)!!! I could not have put it better. Hopefully one day when I make it across the pond - we'll drink TONNES of pints - though you may have to help hold my head up - as I am an old fart D - but it's okay - I'll do my best to keep a stiff upper lip :)
ReplyDeleteWise words there Tom,
ReplyDeleteEven though I have a totally different endrocrinlogical condition those sentiments could quite equally apply to a person with Kallmann Syndrome.
Neither of us want to be ruled by the condition but we can never totally escape it. We don't want to be rewarded for surviving the condition, we just want to go a whole week or even day not having to think about it.
What you should be thanked for is the time and effort you take in writing posts like the one above and in talking to younger people with Type I and helping them cope with their condition.
Keep up the good work.
well said :) although I reckon it's pretty impressive to have made it through 50 years of this bull and still have sanity/a sense of humour! Here's to the future! :)
ReplyDeleteYou make some interesting points, Tom. I for one hardly ever recognized my d-anniversary, mostly because I don't know exactly when it occurred. But a few years ago after getting more involved in the DOC, I started marking it. Not necessarily a "celebration" so to speak, but a recognition that I've survived/lived through another year DESPITE diabetes. So, I now mark my diaversary each year. But, as with everything, Your Diabetes May Vary and that's cool. Either way, maybe there'll be a chance to share a pint someday!
ReplyDeleteOne more quick point: A theme I've heard from many in the community is that by seeing these stories of people recognized for so many years, others are inspired. That feeling of hopelessness is somehow trumped by seeing those long-lived PWD out there and hearing their stories. And if you listen to most of them, they say that it's not anything to make a big deal out of it. They were just doing what was necessary, not a "medal-worthy" endeavor to live. Interesting perspectives, they have.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing all that's necessary to keep myself alive and in decent nick for the rest of my life. I don't think that it're really worth praise. No one really gets praise unless they go above and beyond the call of duty. Keeping myself alive isn't above and beyond as far as I see it. I get on with it. That's all I can do.
ReplyDelete